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Madonna's 12 Insane Rules for Letting Guy Ritchie Visit Kids

dailymail.co.uk — After weeks apart, an emotional Guy Ritchie was reunited with his sons Rocco and David at a London airport this morning. The director's children were back on English soil after being whisked away to the US by Madonna, who is in the throes of her Sticky and Sweet tour. Scroll down to the bottom to see her 12 unreal conditions for allowing this.

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  • peacelvr, on 11/11/2008, -4/+244Madonna is a crazy, evil bitch.
    • Rev0lver, on 11/12/2008, -3/+24Women are full of crazy in general.

      Opie and Anthony were absolutely RIPPING Madonna to shreds this morning. They've had Guy on the show too, and commented that he is not the kind of guy who will stand for the *****. How long before he sends an email with a photo of them wearing nike shoes and chowing down on a big mac with "Like A Virgin" playing in the background?
      • Bawk, on 11/12/2008, -0/+13If I were him, the second I got those kids under my supervision I'd be showing them the video of her rolling around on stage in a wedding dress with her legs open singing like a virgin. I'd like to see that whore explain where on the list of rules that one falls.

      • 1773nium, on 11/12/2008, -0/+7Totally agree with you that Guy wont take this. Now I know where my son's mother is getting all of her crazy ideas from. I'm in the middle of something very similar. The good thing is...once my son is in my custody we can do whatever we please as long as it is not detrimental to his health.

        Thank you judge and good riddance you crazy whore!
      • acknotSW, on 11/12/2008, -0/+8As much fun as that would be, it's just plain wrong to use kids as weapons in this kind of *****.

        Still, that list is one of the biggest batches of crazy I've ever seen.
    • tomarocco, on 11/12/2008, -0/+12Not to mention of horrific skank ho.
      • the0ther, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4never before have the words "skank ho" been so accurate!
      • FlyingSpaghetti, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2Is that what a pirate says when he first spots a skank?
    • ZettaSlow, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9I agree.

      Madonna is supposed to be this amazing pinnacle of womanly womanness.

      But she's really just a complete nutter.
      • mikelieman, on 11/12/2008, -0/+11She's a complete nutter, sure. I suspect it's because she's surrounded herself with people who only agree to whatever crazy ***** she comes up with.

        I'd go as far as saying, she's as disconnected from reality, as Michael Jackson. It's the same syndrome really.

      • walshgopher, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4She not the pinnacle of womanlyness anymore. I'm a female in my twenties and I don't have a single female friend who respect madonna. Likes some of her music? yes. respect? no.
      • jazzmess, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4You're saying there was a point in time where Madonna was actually respected? When exactly was that? When she was acting like a whore on stage in the 80s? Or the modern Madonna, who joined a cult and has to do everything possible to keep the fact that she used to be a very public whore from her children? I think Madonna has always been a bitch, and will always be a bitch, and nobody that I know ever respected her.
      • MeatMountain, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1The two aren't mutually exclusive.
      • misterjangles, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1@jazzmess when "respect yourself" came out madonna was kinda representing strong, independent women and i do think it encouraged a lot of women who are probably now in thier 30s. but she seems to change her whole image with every new record. I think she coasted on that vibe for a long time but her weird behavior is starting to outshine the good old days.
    • smartass007, on 11/12/2008, -0/+16I...AM...SKELETOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      http://www.totallyupyours.com/files/def_488dbc0c8e ...
    • djmphoto, on 11/12/2008, -0/+13Where does Madonna get off, she already broke the most important rule, she cheated on Guy. What a bitch.
    • AchaIemoipas, on 11/12/2008, -1/+14The judge who gave her custody is even crazier.

      She's a glorified prostitute.
    • quasipolymath, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3While that is true, the Daily Mail is basically a tabloid.

      That said, seeing Madonna and many other famous examples of celebrity eccentrics prompts one to ask the question: Does a lifetime of that level of fame and fortune cause people to become eccentric or are people with those types of eccentricities more likely to become famous?
    • wetoddid, on 11/12/2008, -2/+1I thought Britney and Tom Cruise were crazy, but she's definately a few million brain cells short of a retard!
    • IglooBurner, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3Is this for real? who's the idiot judge that agreed with these set of rules?
    • Andrwmorph, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3You've obviously never had Kabbalah water. That ***** is refreshing.
    • goldylocks7621, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3And yet idiot celebrities gush about her all the time.
    • meed, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3***** crazy is the correct term for Madonna. Who loses? Her children of course.
  • eliot2000, on 11/11/2008, -2/+10413: The children should not, at any time during their time with Guy, be in his actual custody.
    • Andrwmorph, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9I bet they are going to have problems with their health due to them not being allowed within 30 miles of dirt and germs.
    • kaosethema, on 11/14/2008, -0/+114. Guy should never mention that he is the father but should schedule a regular mention that madonna is goddess of the world.
  • Thorpe, on 11/11/2008, -2/+59One of the rules state they should not be photographed while with Guy. Already one rule broken. Madonna is getting evil.
    • SadMartigan, on 11/25/2008, -0/+9getting?
    • frieddonuts, on 11/12/2008, -1/+4This is the ***** Daily Mail. How do we know this is true?
      • acknotSW, on 11/12/2008, -1/+2I've actually seen this list from several other sources, I think it's fairly legit.
  • BullHunter, on 11/12/2008, -1/+32Insane might be the right word here as no one surely thinks Madonna is Normal!
    • atomic811, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2sounds like she has obsessive compulsive disorder and needs treatment.
    • goldylocks7621, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4shes a *****
  • snowcrazy, on 11/12/2008, -1/+70How do people get like this....boggles the mind.
    • DrVic, on 11/12/2008, -0/+42Years of people blowing smoke up their ass and agreeing with anything they say because they are getting paid to do it.
    • PopcornDave, on 11/12/2008, -0/+18It's quite easy actually. When you've got a staff kissing your ass all day long and never telling you that you're wrong it tends to go to your head.
    • sugarazor, on 11/12/2008, -1/+13Simpler answer: money.
      • isukeyo, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1People like you really irritate me. If you really think money is what ***** people up, you're delusional. Money may be a catalyst, but people like this are ***** long before they make money. Perhaps you don't know any wealthy people and make that statement based on what you read in gossip magazines and from TV. I know several well adjusted millionaires. And if you don't, consider 2 of the more normal well-known billionaires, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. People who have good upbringings and self-confidence don't generally turn out like Madonna!
    • Quaterni0n, on 11/12/2008, -4/+5Religion.
      • Chordonblue, on 11/12/2008, -3/+4Yes, because atheists never go nuts like this...
    • bleh19799791, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3And I thought Tom Cruise was a nutcase...
  • CoreyTamas, on 11/12/2008, -0/+131#13: Guy Ritchie must wear a Madonna mask and a bra with conical cups at all times in case the children start to suspect that they're spending time with their father and not their mother.
  • bixby1, on 11/12/2008, -2/+56A very wise man once said,
    "Go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here."
    • steelclash84, on 11/12/2008, -1/+13That would be Jack Nicholson in "As Good as it Gets."
      • Knowltey, on 11/12/2008, -2/+3I thought it was Japan's response to the door-to-door crazy salesperson.
      • acknotSW, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2Thank you both very much, I've been trying to remember how that line went and who said it for a couple weeks now, it's been driving me nuts.
  • slickwilly2, on 11/12/2008, -2/+27"Madge" needs to dry up and blow away like that Winehouse freak.
  • KDX200rider, on 11/12/2008, -1/+24If that list is true, she is a very warped person. Too much success mixed with a over-sized ego=Nutcase.
  • shannobn, on 11/12/2008, -3/+61Wow. Madonna made a handbag out of that guys balls.
    • CoreyTamas, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4Remember: She wants those things. She hasn't gotten them yet.
  • boozedrinker, on 11/12/2008, -3/+73I'd tell that retarded bitch to ***** off.
  • dhVyse, on 11/12/2008, -0/+12***** crazy loons, man. What makes someone go ***** crazy like that anyways?

    I honestly hope it isn't true, I want to believe there aren't people like that out there.
  • datastorageguy, on 11/12/2008, -0/+8And here I was thinking fame and fortune would make me a better person..

    /s
  • maybemable, on 11/12/2008, -1/+92wtf? rocco was wearing a t-shirt from the team of madonna's new love interest and yet the kids are not to meet ANY of guy's friends, male or female. psycho.
    • Bosoxmrkn, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3Logged in just to digg this. I hate hypocrites.
    • stilesja, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4Hope that Yankee tee didn't have any manmade fibers in it.
  • writer0213, on 11/12/2008, -1/+49Does Madonna get the senior citizen discount at McDonalds yet?
  • jzuska, on 11/12/2008, -1/+28Do the opposite of every single rule.
    • darkened, on 11/12/2008, -0/+5I agree, if i ever had kids and their mother gave me a list of rules absurd like these are I'd break all of them magnificanently. In his case being famous (i guess) I'd do it infront of TV cameras and get paid for a special MTV reality tv show.

      F*ck Madonna's Crazy ass rules
  • LeonidasStokely, on 11/12/2008, -3/+29Who ***** cares?
    • xsecretfiles, on 11/12/2008, -3/+11You cared enough to post
    • mr0nine2five, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2I normally don't.

      But this ***** is so ***** up, I find it rather entertaining to imagine Old Lady M getting her panties all bunched up because of her own personal psychosis. And I can hardly imagine any court, anywhere in the world, that would side with her and give her the kids in a custody battle in which she brings up the point that he broke her "rules."

      And on a side note, I'd been under the impression that either Prince or Michael Jackson were the craziest 80's stars left wandering around the public eye.
      • subliminalurge, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1I'd say it's a three way tie. I still think MJ would win that one in a photo finish, but to the naked eye, it's just too close to call.
  • gofalcons, on 11/12/2008, -15/+10Wait, does anyone here actually know Madonna or Guy Ritchie? So why do you all care?
    • subliminalurge, on 11/12/2008, -1/+5I don't care.

      I am, however, bored at the moment, and stories about crazy people can be entertaining.
  • scot333, on 11/12/2008, -0/+812. If they want to listen to music, they can only listen to "like a virgin" and "material girl" and sometimes "ray of light".
    • DrVic, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4No "lucky star" ?

    • elizabethb221, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1The exception to rule one:

      Children may only watch Evita, Desperately Seeking Susan, A League of their Own, and Dick Tracy.
      • dougmc, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3Well, that's one way to turn them off of TV ...
  • emptyo, on 11/12/2008, -2/+31Wow is she *****.


  • BXRWXR, on 11/12/2008, -1/+34Those kids are going to grow up to be some messed up individuals.
    • NSResponder, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2Not necessarily. I have several friends whose parents were seriously ***** up, who were able to figure them out and avoid following their example.

      -jcr
  • PamalaLauren, on 11/12/2008, -0/+17I hope he uses this crap against her. What right does she think she has to do this kind of crap. Stuck up bitch if you ask me. While the kids are in his custody he should be able to do whatever the hell he pleases. She's the one who took off with the kids. I hope he doesn't send them back to her. They belong in the UK, not the US, she can go back to the UK if she wants to see them.
    • skipdog172, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1Yeah, he can do whatever he wants. He is truly a tool if he follows any of these ludicrous rules. He has no obligation to do so.
  • vesendak, on 11/12/2008, -9/+2I am just going to copy and paste from my other anti madona post

    Can't Blame madona why not the feminists wouldn't like that would they we need to keep the feminist happy don't we yea take my ball as long as you are happy you ***** whore. the bitch is a life sucking vampire. It couldn't be that being married to her would send this schmuck into a depression that sucked all the creativity out of him no that only happens to women after they spread their legs for some low life thug and then have a postpartum depression hate child. I never liked gay guy richie but this bitch is a vicious stupid whore who has added no value to anyones life but her own. If I live long enough I will in my old age desecrate her grave.


    She is white trash incarnate
    • Slackdragon, on 11/12/2008, -0/+5That cut and paste job stripped most punctuation (all but four periods), and all coherence from your anti-Madonna rant.
    • maybemable, on 11/12/2008, -0/+8you thought that verbal diarrhoea was worth posting twice?

      i couldn't give a ***** about madonna but she sucked the creativity out of guy richie? that must have taken 30 seconds.
    • RungeKutta, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1What in the *****?
  • frequentFlyer, on 11/12/2008, -0/+11Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone is an irrelevant *****.
  • Pitak89, on 11/12/2008, -0/+18Nazi mom.
    • plainOldFool, on 11/12/2008, -1/+1I didn't think one could Gowin a divorce.

      I take that back. I think Godwin's law probably crops up in every divorce proceeding.
      • dougmc, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1All Godwin's law says is that as a thread goes on, the probability of somebody being compared to Hitler/Nazis approaches unity. You don't `invoke it' ... it's an observation.

        But you're probably right, the nastier a divorce gets, the more likely that somebody gets called a nazi ...
      • plainOldFool, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1Yes, but someone needs to be the one to state the comparison. That is to say, that someone fulfilled the Godwin phenomenon.
  • crapuccino, on 11/12/2008, -1/+7I was going to fleabay the only Madonna CD I own, but I think I'll just take it out and burn it.
  • kingjaydub, on 11/12/2008, -0/+6Once all these rules are met, I shall be locked in a mental hospital and beat with organic soap in an sock made of no man-made fibers that are blessed by the leaders of the Kabbalah religion until I vomit macrobiotic, vegetarian, organic food.
  • Lucas123, on 11/12/2008, -0/+16I'm sorry. You expected to have a stable existence after marrying Madonna?
  • kroni, on 11/12/2008, -1/+10Madonna is insane, and a mediocre singer btw, all her late songs sucks. Also judges that allow this insane stuff to be legal. Madonna as mother==FAIL
    Also WTF is all this of famous people going into stupid religions such as Kabbalah and Scientology???? Bunch of retardeds, seems that money damages brain cells...
    • brstilson, on 11/12/2008, -1/+8"Also WTF is all this of famous people going into stupid religions such as Kabbalah and Scientology????"

      One word: attention. These people crave it. You think we'd be talking about Madonna if she just settled down into a mainstream religion (or none at all) and had an amicable arrangement with her ex-husband over custody? You think we'd be talking about Tom Cruise if he didn't jump on Oprah's couch, talk about eating placentas, or make a crazy testimonial video for Scientology? ***** no! Crazy is what gets attention, and for most actors and celebrities, that's what they want. The older they get, the crazier ***** they get into just to stay relevant. Madonna's probably not conscious of this, but I think this is the underlying reason most "crazy" stars act the way they do. Of course, there are exceptions, like mental illness, but in this case, this Kabbalah ***** she's doing is as phony as her British accent.
  • Hetman, on 11/12/2008, -0/+16My kids are not becoming vegetarians until they are at least old enough to do it because they want to get laid by a chick that happens to be a vegetarian.
  • Sakumi, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4What a dumb bitch, on all counts.
  • dissurmom, on 11/12/2008, -0/+5Modonna is ***** nuts.
  • Gr8Kid, on 11/12/2008, -0/+25Thank God, I dont have a mom like her

    Love ya mom for not being a crazy bitch
  • vesendak, on 11/12/2008, -13/+1I have a fantasy that I am an African teen who has been abducted and forced to fight for the gorilla army and we stumble upon her adopting another African child. We take her prisoner and then I am given the order. I take her to a hut on the outside of town and ritualistically cut her ***** off and cook them on the fire and before she bleeds out she is forced to eat them.
    • plainOldFool, on 11/12/2008, -0/+5Did you forget to take your meds this morning?
    • EmperorPsiblade, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4what the *****?
  • russ3, on 11/12/2008, -1/+6I had never heard of kabbalah water, i want to try it.
    • IphtashuFitz, on 11/12/2008, -1/+26Go to your local grocery store, convenience store, etc. Buy a bottle of water. Wave your hands over it and say something religious, like "I bless thee". Drink it.
      • Anders, on 11/12/2008, -0/+5ahaha rofl. thats EXACTLY what her ***** water is
      • davewashere, on 11/12/2008, -1/+1Empty out a water bottle. Take a piss in it. Pay some filthy-rich religious leader a few grand and tell him to say a blessing for your oddly-colored water. Give it to Madonna.
    • Yage2006, on 11/13/2008, -0/+1No you shouldn't encourage them.

  • johanm, on 11/12/2008, -1/+33here kid, have a cheeseburger while you watch daddy's latest movie
    • trdrstv, on 11/12/2008, -0/+14In a crowded theater, with daddy's new girlfriend....
      • thedragon4453, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3...while touching the under side of the seats and not using hand sanitizer!
      • hansauph, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2Then we'll meet up with Tom Cruise at the local Church of Scientology.
    • jimmies, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4If he's as cool as my dad, he'll let them finish his beers too.

      :)
  • vesendak, on 11/12/2008, -18/+1I have a fantasy that I am an African teen who has been abducted and forced to fight for the gorilla army and we stumble upon her adopting another African child. We take her prisoner and then I am given the order. I take her to a hut on the outside of town and ritualistically cut her ***** off and cook them on the fire and before she bleeds out she is forced to eat them.
  • Elderon, on 11/12/2008, -0/+6WTF I feel sorry for those kids now. I don't know if she is just ***** crazy or what and it just seems wrong when you consider it sounds like (at least to me) that the divorce was kind of her fault. She wasn't making time for the family and all intimate contact with guy was strictly scheduled around her so called religion and working out... well I read that anyways from digg actually a week or two ago.

    Is it true or not? I don't know, maybe. All I can say is If i was given all those rules to see my own kid I'd tell her where she can shove it.

    Kinda reminds me of Scientology.
  • Smokeydabear, on 11/12/2008, -0/+7This ***** sounds like my sister with the hand sanitizer *****.
    • Anders, on 11/12/2008, -1/+3Overuse of hand sanitizer makes the bugs we are trying to sanitize more resistant to chemicals (EVOLUTION at work), so therefore her OCD 'gotta scrub my kids hands of germs till they bleed' mentality is setting them (and the rest of us) up to get screwed in the long run by super-germs that can't be killed by our hand soaps.
  • VidaGeek, on 11/12/2008, -0/+8Those kids are going to be really, really screwed up being brought up like that.

    10 to 1 that both of them are in jail by the age of 21 for shooting someone that gave them the wrong water or brushed up against them while wearing rayon.
  • Rizmaster, on 11/12/2008, -1/+7God doesn't exist and Kaballah is even more insane than regular religion. Madonna needs a foot to the *****.
  • Elderon, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9He should arrange for them to be seen eating McDonalds, wearing sports uniforms, with a couple of his friends. He could check off at least 4 things from that list in one shot!
    • Narcism, on 11/12/2008, -0/+6with a mini-tv playing lock, stock and two smoking barrels.
  • shauryashaurya, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3Make a great film Guy! Time is on your side... Madonna is going down with that ego rot anyways... make a great film, be a bigger celeb than Madonna and sue her ass back for setting these rules on you...
  • brstilson, on 11/12/2008, -3/+6Forcing children to adhere to a religion they did not choose is child abuse, pure and simple. There are no Catholic children, or Muslim children, or Kabbahlist Children. The parent's job is to raise the child so it is safe from harm and to become a productive member of society.
  • angusm, on 11/12/2008, -0/+73"OK, kids. All done with your cheeseburgers? Want any more Coke, David? Great, now run and get your new nylon jackets, we're gonna go hang out at the newsstand in the mall until the paparazzi show up. Who are the nice ladies? They're my new girlfriends. Aren't they cute? Much younger and sexier than you-know-who. Yes, they'll be coming with us. See, Tanya has got some toy soldiers for you both. What's that - the phone's ringing? Oh, it's probably just your mom. Ignore her. She'll call back later. She always does."
    • bigfruitbasket, on 11/12/2008, -0/+7angusm--well played! My thoughts exactly. None of that crap is enforceable. Try that nonsense in front of a judge and see what you get.
    • Knowltey, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1awesome
    • bjs3171, on 11/12/2008, -0/+5Oh, the Purell? Nah, leave it. Only crazy people use that crap.
  • Lionhart, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4Talk about mind control. What a loon.
  • feelmypimphand, on 11/12/2008, -1/+8Typical...Instead of asking, she demands...

    One swift middle finger and do the exact opposite - Stupid meathole thinks she runs the show.
  • Steelhound, on 11/12/2008, -0/+23Sanitizing your kids makes them more succeptable to germs because they lose immunity from lack of exposure. That's why kids in third-world countries can play in sewage-tainted water without really getting sick cause they develop an immunity to it.
    • Infidelcastr0, on 11/12/2008, -0/+3I haven't been to a doctor in years.
      When I get sick my overdeveloped immune system kills germs like the pathetic little bitches they are.
      Overmedication and compulsive sanitizing are a serious threat to one's health.
      • fakeguy, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2Ive never been to a doctor and get a cold MAYBE once a year. Screw Madonna and her 50 year old ass. GTFO and retire already...
    • Cenobite, on 11/12/2008, -2/+3I regularly inject my children with Ebola and AIDS so that they can develop super immune systems.
    • Yage2006, on 11/13/2008, -0/+1Thats not exactly true. I use to believe that doing some research though showed its a good habbit. Of course overdoing anything can be bad,

      That said she's one crazy bitch that condition was probably the most sane of the bunch.
  • Shaman760, on 11/12/2008, -0/+10Sounds like my ex-wife. The family court judge put a quick stop to her craziness. Perhaps Mr. Richie should go file papers.

    Really the only person that is going to suffer for this is the harbinger of lunacy. My son already wants to come live with me full-time and he's not yet 10.
    • MrVictor, on 11/12/2008, -1/+1Preemptive Solution: Do not get married.
  • Czechxican, on 11/12/2008, -0/+13Man the last thing is what gets me. He has to read her own books to them. This is sickening. No person, because of fame should be able to dictate rules like this.
    • trdrstv, on 11/12/2008, -0/+1Um she can't "dictate the rules" unless he accepts them as signs a contract to it. No judge would force someone to accommodate these ***** conditions.
    • flashingcurser, on 11/12/2008, -0/+4Ummm... any father in the middle of a divorce will tell you similar stories. To any good man, her demands are less important than seeing his children. If he wants to see them he will comply. It's weird, before having children I wouldn't have jumped in front of a bullet for anyone. There is no question now that I would do that for my kids. That doesn't make it right, but when kids are involved you have to take on different priorities no matter how crazy of a bitch your ex is.
      • WoollyMittens, on 11/12/2008, -0/+2It's is your duty to save your kids from a religiously insane mother.
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